I Would Love To Hate EVERYTHING About You…

except that your almond eyes speak more than your lovely mouth.

except that your nose isn’t real but it doesn’t get long, way better than real but could lie a thousand years.

except that your pink, plump, luscious lips are always filled of better judgment. For others—always thinking about others.

except that your ears will always yearn for that good music you long to give but has been given by you already, even from the start.

except that your rosy cheeks that contain the lone dimple that discards the abnormality of itself.

except that your beautiful long slender fingers fondle the piano and saxophone so well.

except that your goddamned of a body is perfectly sculptured, it’s inhumanly possible not to be devoured noticed.

except you’re too goddamn of a selfless idiot. I hate every fucking selfish bastards instead.

except that you’re an angel born on a lovely rainy day. Definitely sent from up above.

 

except that I love you too much that it hurts. I hate myself instead.

 

—

first posted: 2/10/12 @tumblr

Standing Ovation

Title: Standing Ovation

Type: One-Shot

Characters: Siwon and OC (You)

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 2558

A/N: thanks for my lovely Siwon A-Cha standee for this inspiration.

-yenara/ayen

 

Like everyone else, Kim Eunji has her concerns. Her busy life as a daughter of a well-earning, if not rich, family, the eldest amongst her two siblings, and a Medicine student makes up those matters she have to deal with. And she makes her hands fuller by being a twenty-four-hour-a-day fan of, of course, nonetheless Super Junior – the Korean Wave leaders. Don’t even think about it: she could go on for days, a week maybe, and a month at most, talking about them. She has been an aficionada of the said band since their training days. And why not? She knows the Choi Siwon herself; Shisus only knows since when. They were close ever since, but then, just like any other young friendships, they grew distant as they chose separate ways. But then they still have a form of relationship, that is idol-to-a-fan relationship, deeper though, and still know each other. And need not to tell it, but just in case, yes he is her bias. (She rolled her eyes if you still don’t get why.)

On her rest days, and mind you those days are very rare, if she’s not busied by her tons of books to read or studying more, she could be found in her lair, as her youngest brother Jongin call it, locked up and fantasizing the boys, and of course the obvious. (She rolled her eyes on you again if you still wonder what.) Her family, friends, and co-Siwonest and co-ELF still wonder how she does it: that despite her uptight schedule, she can still squeeze in fan meetings, K-POP conventions (she has to be there because she’s a founder of a website for her bias), and of course, concerts.

With that being said, she have had just attended a recent fan meeting for Mr. Simple and A-CHA promotions. It was so enough that when it was her time to come up, she was so nervous because she’s coming up on stage first (“yes that’s VIP to you,” she said), Siwon squeezed her hand secretly and beamed the sweetest smile he could to say he loves and acknowledges her presence here. And oh how she jumped for joy, literally, when she finally had an authentic, and by authentic it meant it was from SM Entertainment, life-size standee of her bias. It was a first for they finally let a fan have a standee. And so this adds up to things to do on her free time: to seize up the standee she placed in front of her queen-size bed every now and then. Oh, not just free time but every fucking time she can. (She says she’s not sorry for using the term, you get what she means, right?)

Her rest day today, however, was different. Different because her not-so-good-influence friends have finally succeed in persuading her to come and join them in a night of fun. Wild and hot fun, as her friends call it, at a newly opened club.

“Oh come on, now it wouldn’t hurt come with us, right? ‘Sides you’ve been declining our offer since we’ve entered college. Girl, you need a damn break from all the studying and fangirling. What are your riches for if you don’t spend them on yourself? And don’t start with the shit that buying CDs, merchandises and other fan shit are what you consider spending money for yourself.” Her so good influence friend told her over the phone.

“But-” She cut her off. “No buts dear. Stop with the excuses. You only got one subject to attend tomorrow that is fortunately was suspended. Don’t ask me how on earth I knew. You need to see the world has to offer for you. It has a lot, other than your boys. Now I need to get your butt here at ten sharp. Fetch us or we will have to drag your ass to the club. Now, you wouldn’t want that, do you? Okay, see you!”

She hated the fact that she was leaning into looking forward the night. Her family was not around; gone for the weekend to some family reunion abroad and she would have gone with them too, if only she knew earlier her schedule was postponed. Not that she will have trouble asking permission from her parents if they were present, it’s just that she doesn’t want after-party videos blackmailing her first thing in the morning by her pranksters little brothers. Did she ever mention how they make her life hell when they take it on her? Now you know. And maybe, that’s just another alibi piled up to excuse herself from going to club and such.

She was breathing in and out to calm her nerves before honking in front of her friend’s house to signal she came. And how she’s been constantly checking herself at the rear mirror of her to see if there are glitches on her appearance.

“And I thought bitch isn’t coming over and that we still have to drag your ass with us.” Her friend guilelessly commented as they settled at the back seat. She rolled her eyes and sped off her month-old Fisker’s Karma, as a gift of finally graduating and moving on to proper medicine studies.

The place was crowded, how cannot be? It was thudding with bass coming from the speakers all over the place, dimly lit by spotlights, probe lights and such. They went in: her friend have managed once again to use up her ever-benefiting connections. Eunji suddenly felt like she couldn’t do this, being at a club for the first time in years. As they seated on one corner of the club, she quickly ordered drinks, she missed the taste of tequila sunrise. Another excuse – she wanted to man up herself first before taking over the dance floor.

She walked towards it confidently, heads definitely turning just to see a glimpse of her, and her well-flustered face. She was having the time of her life when, a man, dressed in so much fashionable way with shades on, asked her to dance with her. She was more than tipsy; she heard the man mutter some more words but cannot comprehend what were those so she nodded, and then came some sexy talking which she understood. Bodies now grinding, his scent, another excuse, is definitely capturing her full attention. They pulled their selves together, if ever that was possible. Hands running, all over to places, heating up the passion burning in each other bodies. How she wanted to take off the sunspecs of the man, but before she could she felt his lips crashed onto hers, with his hands positively on her buttocks, squeezing it. She was so sure about that, and about the throbbing pain swelling up between her legs.

By the end of the heated passion, she sure was drunk, nevertheless. Shisus only knows how, but she felt herself on top of her bed. She was sure because the thuds of music gone: only the silence and the familiarity of her room. And she tried to sit up but failing, nonetheless not failing to see Siwon’s standee looking at her.

“Hey Wonnie.” Her eyes now shut. How she felt her cheeks flushed with shame when she remembered she kissed a random man at the club. “Shit. I didn’t mean to cheat on you. I swear, but I will not deny it. I hope though you’d forgive me, Wonnie. I have only wanted only you to kiss me, to fuck me. Only you.”

She heard him chuckle. If she was hearing things or not, she was too tired and too wasted to care. “Really. Oh how I wanted to do all those perverted thoughts I’ve been having from you.” And as if her senses were tricking her, she felt someone touch her. She looked up, and reached to the face in front of her. He was real.

“And now I’m seeing you. See? This is what you’ve been doing to me.” She shut her eyes again to clear up her vision. And as she opened her eyes, he spoke. “I’m real. See? The standee’s over there.” She laughed as she closed her eyes. “I must be dreaming then.”

“You are then. I’m the Siwon standee. Look.” She turned her head to see if she heard right. “And you can do anything to me since this is a dream.” He was right: the standee can no longer be seen. And before she could say anything else, she felt her mouth being pried by his mouth. How it felt warm and his tongue was sure playing its wonders on hers. It felt so wonderful, neither rough nor soft, just right for the both of them with heat obviously building up. He was on top of her, and how she could feel his desire that seemed hard long before, and her nether region heating up again. And when they finally parted their lips, both were panting for air.

“How I’ve been achingly to do this to you,” she heard him whisper to her ear while he was busy caressing her body with carefulness; no he was cautiously undressing her.

How easy it was for him because she was wearing a short dress. He teased her by kneeing her ever so lightly between her legs and received a moan and an embrace, as he tried to sit her up. What a sight she was to him – only in her lustrous, laced underwear. She did him a favor by helping him undress as well. As soon she was done, she lightly toppled him down, she was awed by the sight she was seeing: like real chocolates, she wanted to eat up his toned chest. She started by kissing him on the collarbone, lingering on his nipples a little longer, suckling and giving same attention to each as she feared they might be jealous to one another. She sloppily trailed more kisses until she was facing his aching hard-on, and she could feel the throbbing pain in between her legs as well. She skillfully unbelted and unzipped the man, and then throwing to wherever his jeans. Now his wet underwear is the only thing standing between her mouth and his proud member. She kissed it ever so lightly, licking the dripping passion from it, and teasing him at the process.

She boldly undressed herself and then continued on to her business. She told him to sit up, so that she could look at his eyes lustfully. She willfully took in his full length in her mouth definitely filling her mouth. She hummed first, earning him to thrust his hips forward, almost choking her. How she did wonders with her warm mouth, he could only think. But all he can say at the moment were moans. And when she finally picked pace, he was incoherent. All the more when she gently cupped his twins; squeezing them while never losing the rhythm the two have set.

“Oh God, I’m coming.” And as he exploded inside her mouth, swallowing the sweet and salty taste of him, while she can definitely feel the warm wetness coming from in between her legs. She sat on top of him; she did not, however, slid him inside her yet. She leaned forward, her hand on his ruffled locks and the other playfully touching his back, and whispered, “Touch me everywhere you want to.”

They were plump and firm, these breasts. He pinched the nipples as she arch her back, giving him a full view of her hardened, pink nipples, like little stones. He pleasurably sucked on each. His left arm under her shoulders, his right hand travelling down and feeling the heat and moisture from her lower lips, and finally, his thumb on her pubis. He bit her nipples before finally stopping with them to full concentrate on her throbbing wetness, and he could definitely feel his becoming hard again. He pinched her inner thighs and finally played with the firm clitoris. She felt absolutely nothing but desire as she became aware of his hard member brushing against her mound and his fingers doing wonders inside and out of her in rhythmic pattern. He withdrew his fingers out her as she gushed out, spilling over him and his right hands. He wanted to taste her and so he licked his hands and finally into her mouth, closing it with another lust-driven kiss, a little rougher than those before. And, with her own hands, she finally let him inside her, however not breaking the kiss.

“You’re so tight.” He moaned to her, and she winced a little at the whole new length inside her now. She first adjusted to it. And finally, she commenced to straddling him. She was first grinding her butt to him, and then lastly, moving into a rhythm, her breasts rubbing on his hard chest giving them more pleasure. He moved with her; rocking his hips forward and back, in perfectly sync with her straddling.  How she surely loved when he hits her G-spot and how surely he was satisfied with her tightness and moans.

They picked up pace. “Come with me.” He euphoniously said to her. The erratic breathing and the slapping of their bodies ever so soundly drove the two to their wits end, and then finally reaching their climax and collapsing together, side by side.

Still panting, he reached for her face and gave her the most heated and most passionate kiss he ever gave yet. When they parted, she smiled and said, “Kiss me. I mean, really kiss me.”

She must’ve been sleeping so long that light filling her room from outside burns her skin. She covered her face, to fight for more sleep but lost. She in the end struggled to lift her eyelids, and when she finally did, the sun shone frantically saying it was already noon. Her body was so sore. She wasn’t sure why, but was certain she did have the most perverted dream yet. She stayed still when she thought it might not be so she checked the standee.

And there it was: Choi Siwon printed on a glossy cardboard, was still holding the camera, in a black get-up, unmoving and still rooted to the same place. She put her hands over her face. “God, that was sure the most perverted dream yet.” And the horror struck her – she was completely naked and someone came out of the bath, fully catching her attention, half-naked with pristine toned chest, glazed with droplets of water that looked better in broad daylight. His wet locks dripping down his face, and a towel hanging over his shoulders. What an immaculate image that she have only seen on dramas.

A was smirk plastered on his face. She thought she must be dreaming again when she finally recognized who the person in front of her, and who is now approaching her with lustful eyes. She heard herself say as he sat beside her, caressing her face, and a smirk on her lips as well. “Maybe not.”

 

            Fin.

Passing Love

Title: Passing Love

Type: One-Shot

Characters: Dara (2NE1) and GD/Jiyong (Big Bang)

Genre: Drama, Slight Comedy

Word Count: 1213

A/N: a one-shot daragon fic based on a real-life story.

-yenara/ayen

“If real love does exists, it is so when I found you.”

I was around twenty-nine and he was around twenty-five then. Yes, he was younger than me. At first, I fretted about it and thought he’s just another player fooling around. You can’t blame me: I married a ramp model. And that’s the biggest understatement that came out of my mouth. Not that I was ugly myself. But as you see, I’m the most beautiful person you have seen. I was busy back then because I was having my Masters degree on English Communication so that I can teach in the tertiary level and he was well, not really a ramp model but you can include that, a businessman. I can still remember how he’d dropped by my class every now and then just to see how I am doing. Isn’t that the sweetest of him?

I finally got to teach in a well-known university for a while before he pursued me for almost two years. (See, I told you I’m beautiful.) And I’d be lying if I said that for those two years I felt nothing to him. He made it to a point he’d see me every day, every second even. After all he owns all the time he has because he is a businessman. When I finally can’t take it, I said yes to him. We waited for another year and then we finally tied the knot.

Did I mention how wonderful that year of our relationship was? Oh, how that was the sweetest year of my life. But, no. It’s was not even comparable when we were finally living together. Not even close when we had our son. I can’t forget the time when we came back for a vacation to Manila. I mean, yes I grew up there, yes, I studied there for awhile, and yes, I became famous there. My sister-in-law and my son were with me. We visited a local mall that I haven’t been for years. It was nearing night time and we still haven’t seen the proper exit.

Both of them can’t speak either Filipino or English well. And I know how it goes for Filipinos: they respect people who speak English fluently so much.

“You better shut up.” I hissed to my sister-in-law.

And I turned to my was eight year-old son, “This is really bad, but Mommy has to do this so we can go home.”

Finally, we approached a security guard to ask for directions.

“Ah, excuse me. We need help. It’s our first time here in the Philippines and that we’ve been lost for awhile now because we can’t find the exit. Could you please lead us to the exit where the MRT station is? As long as I see the MRT we’re safe and we can go home.”

“Right this way, Mam!”

My son finally tugged my pants as we walked. “Mom, lying is bad!”

“But it’s even worse if we stay here at the mall overnight!”

Everyone chuckled at her joke. She finally asked whether we have further questions.

“Miss, what’s your name?” My classmate asked.

“It’s not important,” she answered back.

And then she continued on with the threat of tearing up. “I might be absent on mid-August so I’ll just send in substitute. And since this is a Speech and Oral Communication course, you guys have lots of time and things to do in front. It is only for about two to three meetings that I’ll be doing the talking. And I’m telling you all this now in case you all go blaming or whatever your classmates if you see me in tears; because I’ll be celebrating my husband’s fifth death anniversary this coming August.”

Everyone fell absolutely still.

“Before, he has been picking me up after my last class. And this is usually the time. He used to be sitting anywhere he’d want in the four corners of this room. This very room. This very building. That’s why it’s full of memories of him. The whole university reminds me of him so much that’s why at times I tear up. So don’t go blaming your classmates or lose your poise when you see me in the studio room, crying. Just go on,” she finally said to us.

It was the first time I ever heard a real story like this. And I was about to tear up myself when she talked again.

“Don’t pity me. It’s not something to pity about. It’s just that we never had a proper farewell when he passed away five years ago. He met a vehicular accident which totally wrecked his body from head to waist that’s why I don’t even got to see him inside the casket because it was closed.”

“He just texted me, ‘Mom, I’m going home. See you.’ And that’s it. And until now I’m still hoping to see him. Last week, I dreamt of him texting me that he’d be waiting for me at gate 3 at six. We had our meeting then at twelve. I waited until six; until it was dark and that the guards were asking if I’m waiting for someone and I said yes.”

With that, gush of tears rolled down my cheeks. It was as if I was my professor myself. I could feel both the warmth and the loneliness. The yearning for that someone you love who have actually passed on. The real love two people have shared is overflowing: spilling onto us.

“How I’d gladly leave the driver’s seat and claim the throne again and he’d drive us home. If only he ever came. I ‘m still hoping but I’m working on moving on; no, it’s moving forward.” She said with a lovely smile.

With eyes threatened with water, she moved on to a guessing game.

“So, you have to guess the three most important letters in the English alphabet,” she said to us. “Isaac Newton said that ‘if you’re taking up Speech and Oral Communication, it is a mortal sin not to know the three most important letters of the English alphabet.’ Yes, Newton’s my dad.” This professor sure knows how to throw a joke.

I and another classmate were correct at the first guessing game so she skipped us saying we’d get the chance to guess after the first round if the others have not guessed it correctly. Even before reaching me, my classmates have guessed the three letters already.

“S P K.” She said as she wrote the letter.

Then pointing to my classmate who raised the question about her name, she said, “Remember about me saying that my name is not important?” We all nodded.

“It’s not, because it’s very important,” she said with a smile.

“S for Sandara, P for Park. I will never trade my surname even if to Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, or whosoever’s surname. They can sell theirs but mine’s priceless. And of course, my ramp model slash businessman husband’s surname, K for Kwon.”

And then, it turns out she is the author of the book we’re using as well.

     Fin.

One and Only (Sequel)

Title: One and Only (Sequel)

Type: Two-Shot

Characters: Dara (2NE1) and GD/Jiyong (Big Bang)

Genre: Drama

Word Count: 1952

A/N: the sequel to One and Only (a daragon three-shot)

-yenara/ayen

First.

Things have been rough lately. And it was painfully enough for him that he couldn’t do anything for her. Is she okay? Is she hurt? Can she sleep well? Those questions have never been answered but nonetheless kept on running through his head. He can still clearly remember that fateful night when Dara heard him say himself how much he doesn’t like her.

“Hyung, do you like Dara-noona?” His bandmate Seungri asked him.

He laughed before answering. “What? That stupid noona? No. I mean c’mon. She’s older than me and she’s stupid. She’s just a noona, ok?”

He was about to say more when they heard the door slammed shut. He stood up to see who or what it was but only found a box nicely wrapped. He sat back down again completely forgetting what happened.

He and his bandmates have noticed she was not around as she is supposed to be, and her bandmates as well. And she has not been returning any of his calls or texts. Finally, he was called to YG’s office in a cloudy afternoon. He went, thinking he’d finally have the chance to know where the stupid is. And then he might give her a good scolding.

He knocked before entering. A cold ‘come in’ answered him.

“You called for me YG?” He said before coolly sitting down on a couch. YG was on his chair, busy on something on his desk.

“This coming Friday, I will hold a press conference for the 2NE1 girls.” He finally said as she walked towards Jiyong.

“Why? Yeah, did that stupid do something wrong again this time?”

YG charged and picked him up by his collar before punching him. Hard. He flew down the floor with blood dripping from his lips. YG picked up the tissue box on his desk and threw it at him before going behind it to get something from his drawer.

Before he could ask why the hell YG punched him, he threw the same nicely wrapped box at him.

“If I could, I would’ve punched you harder and many times as long as it really satisfies me. But then, I remember that she still loves you. But then again, you’re nothing but a big fat ass. And all this time, you still are.” He leaned against a wall.

“What are you talking about?” He managed to stammer as he wiped his blood.

“And you’re the one to speak, stupid. Don’t call her that again. Find out yourself why we will have the press conference. That one belongs to you. After you’re done, go out.”

That night, he mustered up the strength to open the box. He saw a letter and a watch. He opened the letter and recognized the hand writing: it was hers.

I’m overwhelmed with fear;

have I told you that you’re lovely?

Yes. More than anything, than ever.

Please laugh for me. Cry as well – I

consider your voice music.

Never whisper!

I’m afraid to miss whatever you say.

Tell me, “I love you.”

So that it’ll retain, even if,

the noises, along with it your singing,

drowned. Away. Forever.

Take care always. Stay well and healthy. You are who you are; you’re special.

-D.

He could only think of what she and YG are talking about. He thought about it until the day of the press conference came.

They were at a scheduled shooting for the upcoming MV they will release alongside with the new album, nonetheless he asked the production noonas to keep him posted about the press conference. It was his turn for the photo shoot when the news finally came.

“We are retracting Sandara Park’s contract with YG Entertainment, also known as Dara, due to ear problems that may cause her not to be able to continue her career as a part of the girl group 2NE1 under the said label.” YG said.

“Let’s hear now Dara’s statement.”

“Ay, yes. I have decided, alongside with YG himself, to retract the contract I signed with them due to my health, especially my ears. I have consulted with the doctor and he has advised me that if I continue to being exposed to loud noises which is the nature of my career as idol cannot be avoided I’ll be deaf in no time…”

All went black when he heard her say she will go deaf. At the exact time he heard the word deaf.

—

Has he waited for a year? No, he wasted a year for countless reasons he could think of. One of them is that he’s afraid of hurting her again. He can’t have her crying again the next time they see each other. Yes, he did try to talk to her after the press conference but failed. They only said hurtful things to each other, at least he said most of them; he’s admitting it. He still doesn’t know why she was avoiding him—she was trying to escape from him when they were alone that time.

“Don’t hurt me anymore as much as you have hurt me, Ji.” That was all she said before leaving him completely dumbfounded.

It was this night, like other nights he had, that he wakes up in the middle of the night to read her letter again. He opened the box, and there: still the letter folded and the unused watch. He first read the letter for about three times before finally deciding to check out the watch. When he was to put it around his wrist, a carefully tucked folded paper between the lock fell down the floor. He picked it up and then looked at it.

Mahal Kita.*

He can read it but can’t understand it. He knew the meaning of those words, but can’t remember it. He’s sure she taught him those Filipino words. He was so mad about it when he finally realized he could just surf on the net on its meaning.

He is so stupid for not realizing it all before a year was wasted. But it’s not all too late yet, right? How dumb of him that he even denied his feelings for her. He feared the most that she might not be feeling the same about him anymore. He feared that even than her not being able to hear anymore.

—

*Mahal Kita – Filipino for I love you

Second.

After parting, the two are still panting for air; fans crazy as ever before.

“I’m really sorry for everything. It’s still not too late to make it up to you? You can still hear right? Just even a little bit? You still love me right?” He said, still cupping her face.

She just nodded, and rested her head on his, her eyes still wet. He hugged her tighter, if that was even possible.

And then he whispered, “I love you. Baby I’m not a monster.”

—

Every new day is a gift: to be able to see things, colorful or not, to be able to feel the cold breeze or the warmth of the sun, to be able to smell the fragrant flowers or the scent of your loved one, to be able to taste the different flavors available, and finally; to be able to hear music or just the voice of that someone dear to you. How Dara felt so blessed every time she wakes up to the voice of him. But without the aids, she is good as deaf.

They have been residing on the outskirts of Seoul, finally decided to settle down after being in a relationship for two years, and Jiyong completely leaving behind the idol life as well—just for her. He was always there: never letting her out of his sight. After being married for almost five years, they’re still sweet in their own little ways. And finally, their love bore the most beautiful gift they could ever have, a baby girl.

She woke up a little earlier than him, a little unusual of her. Of course, she wanted to surprise him a breakfast in bed for his thirty-first birthday. She slid out of the bed while leaving him stirring in his sleep. After inserting her aids, she passed by Sanji’s crib, complete in awe while eyeing and caressing her baby, Jiyong’s and her baby.

It was a clear and lovely morning with the sun filling in their house, well ventilating it. The big picture frame hanged on the wall cases the memory taken from their wedding reception in Aman Pulo, Palawan. Her in a stunning cream beach dress and him in a gorgeous white long sleeves and a cream beach pants. She doesn’t know why, but she’s getting nostalgic today. She blamed the good weather that reminds her of the church wedding ceremony held privately with just their families and close friends as guests, no media allowed.

She have decided last night what menu she’s going with. And though he’s a way better cook than her, she knows he’ll be touched by her gestures. She put her apron as she fixed the ingredients for maple pancakes and crispy doughnuts. She happily whistled to any Big Bang song she knows—all of it. She admit it, she has been dreaming of this since long ago, just being in relationship with him was awfully enough but actually getting married and having a baby with him? She can’t hide fluffy feeling building up inside her.

She finished off the preparation with her specialty: mocha caramel latte. She brushed off the ill thoughts she was having suddenly. But how she feared all this beautiful things will come to an end without her knowing it. How she wished she was wrong.

She has weaved her way back to their room. Or at least she thought she did. The world have had receded—as if a black hole engulfed everything in her.

Are you okay baby?

She looked up to him, who was now shaking her aimlessly, trying to snap her out of her trance. The tears have rolled down without warning, without notice. What she feared the most have just had happened: she had spilled all of what she had made without him even tasting of anything of it.

Can you hear me?

Can she hear him? She was not sure. Finally, she has calmed down; everything slowly coming back, her senses even. She finally felt the hot coffee spilled over her feet, the warm pancakes and doughnuts on her lap, and the wetness of her cheeks. But, her hearing is as faint as it could ever have been.

“Are you alright baby? Can you still hear me?” She only nodded.

The reality finally struck her. It sent her waves of emotion, overpowered by calmness. She hugged him and nodded again while tearing up more. He felt her, he knows what’s she going through and let her do what she wants.

“I am not afraid. I know someday this will happen. Before anything worse, I want you to know how much I am happy that I met you. That alone made my world different. You’re a special part of my world, for made it all the while meaningful. Thank you for not giving up on me, thank you for loving me still. You’re something in my life I will never ever regret. Thank you for everything. I love you Ji.”

Both in tears, both also know what’s going to happen. “Tell me I love you one last time, Ji. I want to hear your voice.”

I love you Sandara Kwon, my one and only love.

    Fin.

One and Only

Title: One and Only

Type: Three-Shot

Characters: Dara (2NE1) and GD/Jiyong (Big Bang)

Genre: Drama

Word Count: 3683

A/N: My first time posting my fics here in WP. advanced thank you everyone who will read.

-yenara/ayen

First.

It was early in the afternoon, the sun is basking everything under its warm embrace. She was seated on the waiting area; excruciatingly anticipating for the nurse to page her name. She has been suffering tremendous headaches and ringing on her ears lately. Being an idol that she is, she only got now the time to have herself checked up. She could’ve gone with all the extra treatment and perks of being famous but decided against it thinking this is her rest day and she wanted all this day to herself alone. She will not let them know she used this day for her check-up. No, they even don’t know she’s suffering from headache and ringing ears.

Suddenly, without any warning, a strange buzzing occurred in both of her ears. Tormenting as it is, she placed both of her hands on hear ears, wishing to shut the buzzing stop. This could not go on; if she lifts up her head and her hood she might reveal herself to others who were there at the moment. She stayed like that for awhile: crouched while seated and her head between her legs. She felt her phone vibrate inside her bag. Her left hand still on her left ear, her free hand reached for the phone that is still vibrating.

“It’s Ji.” She managed to read the caller’s id on her phone’s screen. Her ears were still ringing only softer than earlier.

“Ya, stupid! I’ve been calling you for three times now. And what? You only answer now? Where are you?” She couldn’t hear his words clearly, but she was sure he was shouting.

“I’m sorry. Hey, can you call some other time? I still need to attend to something. Bye.” She made sure he won’t be able to cut her up. After that, she turned off her phone. The ringing finally disappeared and then she glanced at her wrist-watch. Over half an hour has almost passed and she remembered she’ll be called any minute now. She stood up and walked towards the desk.

“Yes? May I help you?” The attending nurse asked her.

“Ahm, Is it my turn now? Forty-five minutes have passed now so I think it should be,” she stated, gesturing for her wrist-watch.

“Name please,” the nurse plainly answered.

“Dara. Park, Sandara.”

The nurse configured it on their computerized checklist. “Ah, yes Ms. Park. Actually, we’ve been paging you. Please come with Ms. Oh.”

A young woman, probably in her early twenties, stood before her. “Right this way Ms. Park.” She was accompanied to an ENT specialist, more formally known as an Otolaryngologist. Several physical and technical tests were run. After then, she sat down on one-on-one with the Otolaryngologist.

“Ms. Park, I hope you don’t mind, not that I’m meddling or something, but you are a celebrity right?” The thirty-something year old man in white asked her. “Don’t worry about confidentiality if that’s what you’re hesitating about.”

“Y-yes. Yes I am.” The doctor nodded in response.

“This is really hard for me, as far as your career is concerned,” he said, on the brink of losing his professionalism because of the pity he is feeling towards his patient. He cleared his throat first before going on again. “The tests that we’ve run show the results that the ringing and the tremendous pain you’ve been experiencing are symptoms denoting hearing loss; permanent hearing loss or sensorineural hearing loss to be exact.”

In the course of her life, she has never been this shocked. Trying to fight back her tears with all might, she asked calmly the causes.

“There are several causes, but I think what caused you is because of the nature of your career. If our ears are continuously exposed to such noises and sounds beyond 85 decibels, which is the advised maximum level, it can lead to progressive and eventually severe sensorineural hearing loss,” the doctor explained as a matter of fact.

“What about cure, and if can’t be cured at least any prevention to severing?” Dara was praying hard at that time for any miraculous things to happen.

“Well about that, I don’t want to give you hopes so I’m telling you that there are no cures for you. Unlike the other three kinds of hearing loss, sensorineural hearing loss is because there are damaged sensory hair cells or nerves of the inner ear. Despite medical advancement, it cannot be cured by a surgical or medical treatment. Let alone a hearing aid. I advise you to stay away from much noise as much as possible, avoid using earphones or headphones. But in due time…”

Dara no longer focused on what the doctor was saying. And she could no longer hold back the tears that she was fighting with earlier. She was covered with adept fear; how on earth will she carry on in this life without being able to hear? Furthermore, she would miss hearing his shrill voice, telling how dumb she is.

She didn’t want to go home just yet. The sun is already setting on the horizon; she felt the cold breeze as she strolled along the Han River. She closed her eyes, taking in everything she can hear. She decided to never let them know about what she’s going through. Let alone make them worry about her. She’ll carry on until they finally give up.

“Ya, where were you? Don’t you know how worried-sick we were? You could’ve at least called or texted us,” Bom, her bandmate and worried-sick friend, bombarded her with questions as soon as she opened the door of their dorm. She hugged her tight so she’ll stop form querying.

“I bought ice creams for everyone,” she announced as soon as she released Bom from her tight hug. And she walked happily towards the kitchen.

“What was that?” Bom asked their youngest, Minzy, who just shrugged. “Ya, I was talking to you! Have you called Jiyong? I bet he’s even worried-sick than us.”

Right, Jiyong. She completely forgot about that man. She quickly rummaged her bag for her phone. “Minzy, take care of the ice creams for a sec.” As soon as her phone turned on, its screen fronted the many missed calls. And then it rang.

“Yes, Ji,” she answered as coolly as possible.

“Don’t yes me stupid! Where were you? Don’t you know that there are people who are worrying about you? What are you, ten? You don’t even know to return any of my calls?” He sure sounded very angry. Dara was sure he’s now pacing back and forth, really unsettled by the idea that she shut him down.

“I’m sorry Ji. I was out the whole day and unfortunately my phone’s battery got drained.  I’m here now at the dormitory so don’t worry,” she tried with her all might not to cry at the sound of his voice.

“You’re there? I’m coming–” She cut him off. “No don’t. I know you’re very busy because your concert’s tomorrow. I’m really sorry I have you worried. Don’t worry I’ll watch you tomorrow. Just focus on your thing now. Everything’s alright Ji.” Yes, she totally lied to the man she loves. But what she can do? She is still an older sister to him despite how caring and loving this man can be.

“Don’t ever do things like this again, don’t you dare make me worry again. I know you’re stupid, but please try to use your few brain cells and think. I can’t and won’t let you make me feel this way again,” and with that he ended the call.

 

Second.

Everyone was busy, except Dara, whose schedules were cancelled for the whole day for Jiyong’s concert and well, for some other unknown reasons. She decided to stay at the YG building to let time pass since his concert is at four.

“Dara eonnie, you’re being called to YG’s office,” a young girl trainee came up to her.

“Oh, okay. Thanks,” she quickly got up and made her way to his office. She had no idea why YG needs her at this time of the day. When she finally got there, she knocked three times before entering after she got no response from YG.

“Yang Hyun Suk-nim, Ryuu said you were calling for me. Is there anything wrong?” Dara meekly said, as she approached slowly YG’s desk. He lifted his head up, looking at Dara intently before he spoke up.

“Ah, yes. Please sit down Dara,” he gently placed down the pen he was holding, and with utter firm, he crossed his arms, resting his back at his chair’s backrest. He waited for Dara to take her seat. There was no tension, but there were beads of sweat on her forehead. Several more minutes took away words before YG said another.

“Aren’t you going to say something Dara? Are you really sure you want me to talk about it myself?” Seriousness was now eminent in his voice; however, behind it is a glitch of tenderness. Firm as ever, but now a more relaxed Yang Hyun Suk. The beads of sweat disappeared; along with it was a forming fear. Dara cannot bring herself to fear this man she acknowledges as her father.

“I’m sorry if I kept it to myself. I honestly don’t want to everybody worry if they find out. And I knew you would soon know I still kept my mouth. And I know you understand as well, especially because of him,” however though, she still cannot lift her head, so she stared either at the floor or at her shoes.

“Look at me.” He ordered. “I know how I sternly advice everyone to be independent when it comes to self-improvement and to try solve self-issues ASAP. But have you forgotten that I also constantly remind everybody as well to seek others help and be confidantes? And what am I to you? I’m truly hurt. However though, I understand you. But, it also concludes you still forget how I am as your president. And more than anything, this about your health, Dara, and I’m in a rightly position to know about that part of your being.”

“I’m truly sorry for how I acted,” and in the first time of being part of the YG Family for years, she cried sincerely in front of the president. “I have never been in such sheer terror after knowing that I could go deaf. No, I will go deaf. It’ll be in a matter of time. But that’s not just it. The absolute fact that I will never hear his voice again, that surely makes this whole thing worse more than ever. And it really pains me; after all, this is all but a one-sided love. Oh, why am I crying so hard?” Dara tried to wipe off her relentlessly flowing tears.

“What do want to do then? What are you planning on?” It is now not a glitch; he stood up and seated across Dara, resting his hands on hers.

She’s still sobbing her heart out, stopping at each sentence to breathe. “I honestly don’t know what to do. But I was thinking of just carrying on, as if nothing is happening. But then, I thought about it deeply last night, and all I want now is a time off. A break from everything: including him. I’m considering of talking to him before I take the break, but I’m not sure if I’m brave enough to do that, might give him the letter instead of facing him. I want to see him perform today, and then I am hoping that after that I’ll be able to take my time off. Are you okay with that YG-nim?”

“As much as I don’t want to stop you, simply because I know you love what you’re doing, I know you know what you need at this time. I assume you know yourself so I am supporting you in this decision. I’m letting you know that I’m not letting you go. Not when I know you have the heart and the love for this craft. Better stop crying, okay?” And he lifted up her head and wiped her tears off by his thumb, and then ruffled her hair.

“Now let me hug my Dara.”

“Thank you Yang Hyun Suk-nim. But, you’re unknowingly trying to kill me now with your hug,” and she finally breathed normally after she was released from the tight hug.

“Off you go. Better catch up with him,” he said, gesturing for his office’s door.

Dara checked her wrist, forgetting she doesn’t wear a wrist watch so she looked for a wall clock. When she found it, it read two forty-one; at least more than an hour to prepare for his concert. She took quick shower and changed clothes before calling for a van to get to the venue. She was praying hard she’d get there on time as she worries he’ll be mad at her again about her tardiness at such events. They are to meet for a minute or two before the concert starts as he ordered her.

Finally, she got there at least fifteen more minutes before the concert. The staffs helped her way backstage as some fans recognize her. She knocked gently on the dressing room’s door, announcing it was her when asked who it was. As she entered the room, the stylists and coordi-noonas also made their way out.

“So you are not late this time, stupid.” He coolly said as he checked himself on the mirror. Little did he know what a sight he was for her, taking her several minutes before answering him.

“Ah, yes. I know you’d be mad if I showed up late.” She managed to stammer, as she walked towards him.

“Of course I’d be. Good think you know. You actually used the few left of your neurons to remember that. And don’t forget, I am still mad at what you did yesterday. Don’t think I’ll let it slip, but we’re not talking about that now.” He faced her, eyeing her completely; his hips resting on the table, with his hands supporting him. She fixed his clothes before nodding. He was gazing at her intensely that’s why she cannot bring herself to look at him. A knock on the door signaled that it was time for him to go. They both went together backstage.

“Good luck, Ji.” She said as he walked forward.

“I know; I’m the best, stupid. Now, go to your seat.” He said looking back at her. She nodded which made him walk forward again.

“I love you, Kwon Jiyong.”

 

Third.

She was seated among the other fans who bought VIP tickets, difference would be he bought it himself for her. All the time she was having a great time, everyone was actually. But he was far greater himself. He made sure everyone there present was having a blast. All the while, she forgot the she’s about to go deaf any soon. If not for the ending wherein she had the most tremendous ringing she ever had.

She can’t stop herself from tearing up: definitely because it was surely hurting her, and; the utter terror this might be the last time she’ll hear him singing, his voice. She wiped her tears every now and then, fearing he might see it and then relentless questions will be asked.

After the concert, all proceeded for an after party at a bar. She took refuge first in a bathroom stall, crying herself out while wishing the ringing to stop. It has nonetheless soothed, but it still hurts. Her phone vibrated and she knew who it was calling. It was at least after an hour has passed that she was sober from crying and that the ringing on her ears has stopped. Armed with a congratulatory gift, inside it was last night’s letter she wrote for him, she went back as soon as she finished fixing herself.

The place was thudding with music, flooded with exclusive guests and other YG artists. She greeted everyone she knew warmly, bowing and small chatting every now and then. Her gaze was all over the place looking for him. Finally, she heard he was in a VIP room and that he was looking for her. He heart raced as she heard that. When she was there, she slowly opened the door stopping when she heard someone talking.

“Hyung, do you like Dara-noona?”

She heard him laugh. “What? That stupid noona? No. I mean c’mon. She’s older than me and she’s stupid. She’s just a noona, ok?”

She felt tears roll down her cheeks and without knowing she had the door slammed closed. It’s true. Now she knows it’s true that hurtful things repeat on your head when you hear them, especially if you hear them from someone you care for.

Clouded with tears and thoughts she made a decision.

—

It has been a year of a rollercoaster ride. And now, officially, she is just another Korean living ordinarily. The people have understood her; there were fans who were so supporting and caring and of course, there are narrow-minded who criticized her and her condition. It was hard, after living as idol before. But then, there are other reasons why it’s harder than it feels.

Today, she challenged herself to go out without her aids. The doctor advised her to have one though she knows herself it would be useless in the end. Now and then she would have ringing in her ears, but she doesn’t mind now.

The clear sky above her and the warm weather embracing her. How she silently wished it could get any better than this. And the Han River was explicitly calming. She lay down, with her hoodie and mask on. She can’t help but relive some of the moments as idol. She felt blessed to have her now ex-bandmates, how they helped her make through it.  She remembered how they reacted when they finally learned her condition.

Everyone was crying on their dorm. It was after the day when she officially resigned, after talking with YG. They were all in the living room.

“What about Jiyong, does he know?” Bom asked in between her cries.

“He’ll know anyway.” She coldly said.

“Does he know you like him, noona?” Chae Rin asked.

“He doesn’t have to. It’s useless anyway. What for? I mean officially, now I’m not a part of 2NE1. Tomorrow, YG, I, and with you girls, will hold a press conference about it. After that I’m moving back to my parents.”

It was excruciatingly painful to leave them all behind. But then, it will be all worth it. After all, it won’t mean a thing for him. He did not even went up to her after all what happened, not even once. She wiped her tears before standing up. She still has to run an errand for her mom.

She couldn’t believe her eyes. Actually she doesn’t want to believe her eyes. She closed her eyes firmly and lifted her eyelids again. Her eyes weren’t fooling her. It was Jiyong standing just a little more than a meter from her, surrounded with some fans.

She didn’t care. Or don’t want to care, so she walked the opposite way. If he’s here to mess her life again, he better not. She has, after all, no idol image to protect for. She did not hear him calling for her. Finally, she vaguely heard him call the attention of everyone through a megaphone.

“Excuse me everyone. May I get your attention for awhile?” He called. She did not stop walking but she slowed down.

“Including you please.” She stopped, never looking back though.

“Alright. You can stay that way.”

She waited for him to say more when finally she vaguely heard the group of fans that was now blocking her way screamed. She wondered why, when at last, she felt someone held her arms. She knew it was Jiyong, but she stayed nonetheless firm, not moving a bit.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” She did not answer or anything.

“You can’t hear me?” She can, honestly, thanks to the silence the fans are giving them. But she pretended not to. When he cannot take it, he pulled her so she can face him. When she turned around, she saw him kneeling down which made her heart squeeze a little. It squeezed more when he was finally in tears.

“It’s alright if you can’t hear me. At least they will hear me.” He stood up, grabbing the megaphone; he turned to the small group of fans surrounding them. “Guys, listen to what I will say so that I will have witnesses.” The fans eagerly nodded in silence.

“I have a confession to make. I’m the one who’s stupid, a huge irony because I often call you that. I always put you through pain, always being hard on you. Always playing you.” There. He was really just playing her. She was about to turn around and leave when the fans stopped her.

“Thank you.” He said to the fans. “I am stupid because I can’t believe what I was feeling for you. Not when I finally got to read your letter last night. I’m stupid for letting you go. I’m stupid for letting you go all the pain all by yourself. I am stupid because I’m in love with you and I can’t even admit it. I’m stupid for not confessing all of these before that I have wasted a year.” He stopped to clear his creaking voice.

“It was hell with you. But I can’t even describe how it was without you.” He was now walking towards her. And now, she was crying as well. He finally stopped when he was right in front of her. He dropped the megaphone. He cupped her face and wiped her tears.

“I love you, Dara. I have been ever since and, I always will.” He said, and finally, kissing her with all his heart.

 

 

      Fin.

Pinay Sumphonia writes on.

So, I have decided to make this blog as a extension of my fanfics when I am jailed in AFF which happens rarely, but just in case. then, I’m looking forward to every reader who will follow this blog. thank you. 🙂

SHINee will SHINE again.

The boys of SHINee has finally made an official comeback in the K-POP industry with their newest album ‘Sherlock’!

The mini-album has garnered so much attention because of the quality of each song, especially tracklist number 4 – 알람시계 (Alarm Clock) which was written by SHINee members Lee Jonghyun and Choi Minho themselves.

Here is the official tracklist of Sherlock

1. Sherlock/셜록 (Clue+Note)

2. Clue

3. Note

4. 알람시계 (Alarm Clock)

5. The Reason

6. 낯선자” (Stranger)

7. 늘 그자리에 (Honesty) / Always at that Place

I quote SM Entertainment‘s statement that SHINee’s comeback is ‘world-class’ and that, “they are proud to present the best quality in music, style, and performance.”

Topping almost every music charts, SHINee’s definitely to take the center stage with songs Stranger and Sherlock.

 

-here’s their performance of Sherlock@M Countdown

cr: allkpop.com, en.wikipedia.org, onlymuzic@youtube.com

A glint of hope.

I should forbid myself from blogging anything, now that I’m very busy at the moment, particularly on that issue.

Nonetheless, I can’t help myself, especially now that I’ve seen a glint of hope.

And I repeat: a glint of hope.

Hope of what exactly?

To admit that I’m clearly not more than a fan to him, but to me, he’s clearly and could possibly be everything to me forever. To see him obliquely in such peculiar ways, even so, our eyes have met.

To be able to accept the truth, that perhaps, or really, he must have forgotten we exist. That he clearly loved and appreciated others, but never equally to how he sees us – a lesser degree.

And thus, most of us are losing hope. I tried hard. Really. But I admit in total honesty that, I was on the verge of losing hope as well. Of forgetting him completely and moving on. It was twice painful for me: painful for my fan heart, and; painful for my own heart.

And it was unearthly hurting that he, never accidentally, erased us – including me. Never, not even once at all, did he, for heaven’s sake, give a reasonable elucidation on the said matter. And other turmoil which I will not elaborate much further.

Yet again, I repeat: there is a glint of hope.

Yes. Dated last March 18, he said two words, two words that are even meaningful than the magical three words rampantly used. Never mind if I hadn’t witnessed it myself. It was recorded, and that will serve as a testament. He knows our country does exist. We exist – I exist.

It’s still dreamy as it seems, but it did happen. However, I do not regret that I did, or rather was on the verge on letting him go.

It is because that made me realize how tightly and until when I want to hold him in my heart.

It’ll be for an eternity.

A Birthday Project for LEETEUK!

hey guys! we really need some help here. i really want you guys to please do participate in this birthday project hosted by immortalsou123 and yours truly. we are encouraging ELFs from other countries (especially those form the european and western countries) to please do participate in this birthday project.

if you’re interested, please do visit this site for more info. THANK YOU!^^

click –> http://angelsandwings.wordpress.com/

Hongki’s little bath time

On March 28th, F.T. Island’s main vocalist, Lee Hongki, shared pictures from his bathtub.

Hongki tweeted pictures of himself submersed in water, while wearing a funky shower cap. He laughed, “Hair treatment during a half-bath!!!! ho ho ho.” Hongki is seen from the shoulders up, staring right into the camera with a cheeky grin on his face.

Netizens couldn’t get enough of his cuteness as they commented, “Treatment is important, too… but it’s better for your scalp if you put on the shower cap after you shampoo~~”, “kekeke Your shower cap is cute…”, “so cute^^ kekeke”, and “Wow!! Sexy~ Sexy~ Sexy eyes… Sexy smile… I’m embarrassed!! >///<.”

 

(sr: http://www.allkpop.com cr: hongki’s twitter)