I should forbid myself from blogging anything, now that I’m very busy at the moment, particularly on that issue.
Nonetheless, I can’t help myself, especially now that I’ve seen a glint of hope.
And I repeat: a glint of hope.
Hope of what exactly?
To admit that I’m clearly not more than a fan to him, but to me, he’s clearly and could possibly be everything to me forever. To see him obliquely in such peculiar ways, even so, our eyes have met.
To be able to accept the truth, that perhaps, or really, he must have forgotten we exist. That he clearly loved and appreciated others, but never equally to how he sees us – a lesser degree.
And thus, most of us are losing hope. I tried hard. Really. But I admit in total honesty that, I was on the verge of losing hope as well. Of forgetting him completely and moving on. It was twice painful for me: painful for my fan heart, and; painful for my own heart.
And it was unearthly hurting that he, never accidentally, erased us – including me. Never, not even once at all, did he, for heaven’s sake, give a reasonable elucidation on the said matter. And other turmoil which I will not elaborate much further.
Yet again, I repeat: there is a glint of hope.
Yes. Dated last March 18, he said two words, two words that are even meaningful than the magical three words rampantly used. Never mind if I hadn’t witnessed it myself. It was recorded, and that will serve as a testament. He knows our country does exist. We exist – I exist.
It’s still dreamy as it seems, but it did happen. However, I do not regret that I did, or rather was on the verge on letting him go.
It is because that made me realize how tightly and until when I want to hold him in my heart.
It’ll be for an eternity.